I often dream of a guy I knew in primary school. He was my first love back then but we both are happily married today and do not have contact anymore. He had a rough time during high school and college, and got into drugs and Satanism. In the dreams, I know that he is in love with me but I don't want to cheat on my husband. My husband never shows up in the dreams. This guy is always there to protect me and I feel very safe with him but I am too shy to talk much to him and I do not want to touch him. He feels like a guardian angel to me. He doesn't make any move at all to make me feel bad. With every dream I get more confidence to speak to him. Why do I always dream of him?

-Marian

Dear Marian,

Dreaming of someone from your past who is not in your waking life is very common even when people are happily married and moving along quite well in life.

Dreaming of a first love is often a symbol designed to comfort you in your waking life. You were happy when you were with him, so now he appears as sort of a guardian, guide or angel in your dreams.

People appearing in our dreams aren't necessarily who they seem. Is your husband now like your first love, or are there ways you wish he was more like your lost love? One reason we may dream of past loves is because we feel there are qualities that are similar or missing in the person we're with now. In our dreams, our partner becomes the perfect person we had in the past.

Dreams are designed to help us process what is going on in our waking lives. We learn to deal with loss, death, and joy from our dreams. Sometimes our conscious minds simply can't handle everything that is going on, so issues get worked out in dreams.

Recurring dreams are often brought about by stressful situations at work or home. Feeling safe in your dreams with a first love might symbolize that you're not feeling in control of some part of your life. When you dream these dreams, pay attention to your surroundings and other details for clues.

Often dreams of a first love can mean that we are seeking a major change of some kind. Usually this has to do with our work. Our subconscious takes us back to this idyllic time we had with the old love in order to help us see that things can be much better - that change is needed.

This dream doesn't mean you want to be with this person - just that life was easier and less stressful for you then. Dreaming that you have someone who is always going to be on your side no matter what you decide can make it easier to figure out what you really want to do when you're awake.

This dream means that something in your life needs to change. By taking you back to the past, you're being shown that you CAN be completely happy in life.

This may not have anything to do with your relationship with your husband or even your past relationship with this first love. Most likely, something in a work setting is a challenge that you feel you can't meet. Figure out what it is, ask for your angels to help you, and go forward with your life.

Don't be troubled by this; you'll find out what it means if you just look a little deeper!

Susyn responds:

Dear Marian,

This man is so prominent in your thoughts because for some reason you are hanging on to the past. The more you lament these dreams, your thoughts of him, and your idealized hopes that he is still in love with you, the more they will consume you.

Though it's true we never forget our first loves, this seems to be more of an obsession than an indication that you belong together. You say that you don't want to cheat on your husband and are happily married. I believe that is true, so this confusion must be coming from other aspects of your life that you aren't happy with.

It's easy to get stuck in this kind of pattern. As long as you are focused on the past and your feelings for this guy, you don't have to face your own unhappiness or fears.

Thinking of him most likely reminds you of who you were at that time: happy, innocent and not weighed down by the demands of adult life. There is a part of you that wants to recapture that light-hearted, youthful version of you. Once you do, you'll be able to lay the memories of your first love aside and leave them in the past where they belong.

If you put the focus back on yourself and take a good hard look at your current life, you'll be able to identify the areas in which you are truly unhappy with yourself. Once you accomplish that, you'll have made the first step toward becoming empowered enough to change.

One tool that is very helpful is to practice staying in the moment and becoming an observer of your own life. Watch how you respond to the daily routines that have become second nature to you, as well as how people are responding to you.

From that point on, you'll discover elements of your life that you want to change that are making you unhappy. If you discover you want to lose weight, change the color of your living room, or take a class, take the first step and watch how your mood and focus change almost instantly.

Though it may seem difficult to let go of someone that seems to bring you so much comfort and solace, the fact that you are asking for direction in this matter indicates that these thoughts and dreams are starting to cause you trouble by encouraging some action you would later regret. If this guy was supposed to be a part of your life, he would be.

From my experience, when we struggle with these kinds of thoughts and dreams, it often turns out that we are really dealing with our own issues. Once we can turn away from outside distractions and face ourselves, we find that the answers always lie within us.